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Momma!

November 16, 2018

 

Momma is coming to visit us for a week over Thanksgiving. She gets here, Sunday afternoon!

She still lives in Southern California. That’s where Lucky was born and raised. See, she’s Lucky’s birth Momma, but my adopted Momma!

I’m so excited! She’s a WONDERFUL woman. We talk and text all the time. It’s been four years, now, since she came into my life. She was so good TO me, and FOR me, from the very beginning. We connected immediately.

My “daughter’s” heart feels like it is finally HOME with her.

I definitely got a two-for-one deal with her and Lucky! ❤️❤️

She is the Mom I had always WISHED I had.

We didn’t know better, when we were kids. I would have thought it was selfish or somehow “wrong” to wish for a better mother, when I was young. Something wasn’t right about the dynamic between her and so many people with whom she related—including her children. I understood, as I got older, that my mother was incapable of anything more than a co-dependent or abusive or controlling relationship.

And, that is unacceptable to me, blood relative, or not.

I lost my dad to brain cancer when I was just 14 years old. He loved me dearly, and we were very close. His passing, of course, shattered my young world. Although I still lived at home for the next four years, I was, in essence, parent-less, from that point.

With time, I eventually stopped asking God why He took the one who loved me, and left me with the one who didn’t.

I also accepted, over the years, that I wouldn’t have a mother figure who really connected with me; who accepted me fully, and loved me the way I am, without any agenda of her own, or in an attempt to change me, or try to “save” me from myself. Trying to force a relationship outcome, or grieving and lamenting what will never be, is a colossal waste of time, and physical and emotional energy.

In fact, I eventually stopped devoting any thoughts or energy to or about it, one way or another. I let go of the desire to be someone’s daughter; and began living life on my own terms, redefining what I wanted myself and my family unit to feel like.

And, as my OWN son grew, I devoted my attention to BEING the accepting, gracious, empowering Mom that I always wanted.

I’m glad I did that. In doing so, I broke a negative, controlling, abusive family cycle. My son, Christopher, is amazing, and emotionally healthy, and productive. I am so proud of him. And we’re SO close. He and I (AND his Dad, too) are all close, and happy. That makes ME happy.

And, now, I am blessed to have Lucky’s Mom, a woman like I had once envisioned, actually IN my family!

We haven’t had any “blood” family visit the boat since we married, three years ago. I travel to see everyone. So I’m excited that she’s coming!

But, I could not ask for a better Mom, or a better example of one.

She IS my Momma. ❤️

And she raised a son of her own, that I am so proud of, who loves me like no other ever could...Even more, and in more ways, than my Dad could.

I know my Dad would love Lucky. They’re cut from the same cloth. ❤️

What seemed for so long to be an injustice, what left me bruised for so much of my young life, eventually CHANGED, when I changed how I felt about it, and when I decided what I wanted for myself, and then began moving to IT, rather than remaining chained to suffer in something that cannot be changed.

So, if you find yourself in a situation where there is a breach, or empty spot, or a missing or broken branch on your family tree; please know, that the painful or empty spot doesn’t HAVE to stay that way.

Painful things happen. You do NOT have to suffer.

Listen, people don’t have to share DNA to be a FAMILY. I am a living, breathing example of the joy that can happen, out of even some of the most painful experiences.

It doesn’t have to STAY painful, if you don’t want it to.

I am SO GRATEFUL for all the wonderful people who surround me, that have become, in many ways, closer, and more consistent, and loyal than BLOOD.

You know who you are. I love you dearly. ❤️ 

 

~Dawn Read

 

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