Episode 4 "Feed The Need"

July 8, 2016


Amazing Living Introduction and Music


Our Basic Human Needs 

        Our Life Strategy Practice

        Needs Span culture, sex, socio-economic, race, religion, etc. 
        Needs Provide the “WHY,” and Drive EVERYTHING – Patterns of Behavior, Decisions,           Actions


We Are Mental and Professionals, but Not Mental Health Professionals

        What to look for when searching for a Mental Health ProfessionalS

        Find A Mental Health Professional in Your Area


        The Difference between Reasons and Excuses

        What is the Difference between a Mental Health Professional and Life Strategist.

        What Can a Life Strategist do for You?


        How the Past Serves a Purpose or Continues the Curse

        Taking Responsibility

        The Contrast of the Past can Accelerate a Better Future


The Six Human Needs (Four ‘Primal Needs’ and Two Higher ‘Spiritual’ Needs)




        Uncertainty/Adventure/Drama/Discovery/The Unknown


        Opposing Needs Violate each other


“Spiritual” or Higher Fulfilling Needs

        Contribution is Outward; Beyond Ourselves, Care for Others, “Leaving Things Better”

        Growth is Inward; Expansion, Learning and Experiencing Something New, Becoming         More


Needs are met in Positive and Destructive Ways

        Significance and Certainty:  CEO of Fortune 500 Company – In Control

        Significance and Certainty/Uncertainty:  Gang Member Mugging Someone at                      Gunpoint – In Control


        Needs drive us to make Choices that violate our morals/value systems/promises               and do it, Anyway.

        Why We “Twist Off”, Do something ‘wrong’ but we “Can’t Help It”


        The Understanding of Our Needs Can Propel Us beyond what Others Understand

        Why we Do Things others might find CRAZY

        Understanding our Needs Puts us in the Driver’s Seat


Behavior is Governed by NEEDS.

        What do Most People Do in Relationships?

        Creating Certainty/Security and Love/Connection

        We Get Bored and Start Drama

        What the Hell Just Happened?

        Why we’re doing it and why we can’t stop ourselves

        I was such a Bitch/Asshole

        Why People live Decades, week-by-week in Predictable Certainty

        Why People “Twist Off” in Destructive Behaviors: affairs, drinking, drugs, gambling


How to be Deliberate in Drama.


        Understanding the Need for Drama and How to Use it
        How Drama Can be Positive for you AND your Partner


        Establishing Trust in the Midst of Uncertainty


Dawn turns 50 Shades of Red

        Dawn Broke a Husband and His Camera

        Destroying Trust Injects Damaging Uncertainty 


What Possessed Dawn to Pose Nude and What She Learned

        The Benefits of Building Trust and Peeling Away the Layers

        Feeding Your OWN Need for Uncertainty and Crossing the Line for The Need to                 Know


The Benefits of Calculated Risk Taking

        Uncovering – A trust-building exercise

        Connection and Acceptance

        Building Trust and Closeness

        Awareness and Acceptance of Self

       Freeing and Expanding

       Trusting Self, Gut and Others


Understanding our Needs in Relationships

        Growing Certainty and Connection Inside the Relationship

        Seeking Significance and Uncertainty together and on Purpose

        Experiencing Growth and Contribution to and from each other


        Who Decided it Was Wrong to Feel Good?  Neale Donald Walsch.


        Be Honest – We ALL do things for Self-Serving Reasons!

        Everything we do Feeds Our Needs on Multiple Levels


        Honesty takes you from Healthy to Amazing

        Denial takes you from Healthy to Sick


Narcissism:  The Catch-all Phrase.  What it is/What it isn’t


        Gary Vaynerchuk “I equally care what everybody thinks, while not giving a crap                 what anyone thinks.” from an interview with Brian Rose at London Real


        Decision making for yourself and others…where is the line?


        Certainty In and Uncertainty Out of the Relationship

        Re-active versus Pro-Active


Keeping Relationships from Heading South

        Why are we Climbing the Walls?

        Most People are Dying of Boredom

        The Certainty Trap and How we Lock Ourselves In it

        The Weight of the Good Opinions of Others, and How to Dump it


        The Family with two Kids, and He wants to Join a Band

        What are Your Priorities?

        Get what YOU need AND Give Her What SHE Needs

        Get Acceptance instead of Resistance from Others when Meeting your Own needs

        Quality versus Quantity of Time in Relationships

        Injecting Positive Uncertainty to the Surface


        Knowing What You’re Doing and Communication Makes it or Breaks It


True Lies


        Jamie Lee Curtis

        Tom Arnold (Sorry Tom – Short Term Memory Loss)

              True Lies on Netflix 

              True Lies on Amazon


The Amazing Human Needs Lessons in True Lies

        What Happens when People are Oblivious to their Own or Others’ Needs

        One Partner’s Needs are met, but not the Partner’s

        Feeding the Starving Housewife’s need for Uncertainty 
        The Smarmy Car Salesman played by 
Bill Paxton Reveals His “System”
        “They Fall For it Every Time

        “If He was taking care of Business, I’d Be OUT of Business”


        The Implication of our Choices and Actions

        Needs are ALWAYS Met – One Way or Another

        Grabbing Life By The Balls


Navigating The Tricky and Slippery Slope of Smokescreens and Human Needs

        Digging and Refocusing – Decision Making is a Process

        The Ebb and Flow of Human Needs

        Feeding One Need Violates or Starves Another


        Taking Control by Understanding What Motivates

        Being Deliberate about choices and Knowing why we make them

        The Effect of Understanding Our Needs and Others’ Needs


Finding Balance of Needs in a Relationship

        Being Deliberate

        Knowing Roles and Expectations

        Let the Walls Down

        Be Transparent


        Vulnerability and Acceptance

        Understanding the Roles to Create 

        How to Continually Create Security and Certainty

        Being Demonstrative “on Purpose”

        The ROI (Return On Investment) of the Relationship GROWS with the Contribution


Some of The “Little” Things that Make Our Relationship the Most Amazing We’ve Ever Known

        Constant Contact

        Open Communication

        Carrying the Loads

        A Constant Buffer – Protection

        Being Vigilant

        Checking In

        Dealing with Issues Quickly

        Doing What You Say

        Putting Up Boundaries that STAY and Enforcing Them

        Being Consistent Even when it Hurts

        Consistent is Secure

        Our Word is Law

        Why Lucky Didn’t Spank His Kids and Why Dawn Did

        Being Who We Say We Are – All the Time – Even if it Hurts, Speaks Volumes

        Remaining Flexible to Allow for Our Partner’s Needs

        Creating Significance for your Partner

        Feed the Need

        Understanding Your Partner’s Needs and Meeting them, While You meet Your Own

        Being Careful of Our Partner’s “Ouchy” Places


The Damage of Focusing On Your Negative and Reacting Self

        Security Needs Manifest Differently

        Inject CONSCIOUS Uncertainty by Creating a Lifestyle full of Adventure and Growth

        The Negative Outcome of Injecting Unconscious Dramas into Relationships

        The Danger of Playing Not to Lose


Applying Human Needs to an Established Relationship

        Be Honest about your Needs 

        Know The Level/Importance of Your Needs

        Communication and Transparency

        Getting Outside Yourself

        Feeding into Your Partner’s Needs FIRST Gets your Needs Met

        There must be a Conscious and Constant Fight for the Betterment of the                             Relationship



        How Important is it for You to Live an Amazing Life?

        Know Your Reasons Why

        What are You willing to Do, Risk and Invest?

        WHY Trumps WHAT Every Time

        There Are No Shortcuts on The Road to an Amazing Life

        How Committed Are You?

        The All-Important WHY

        Closing music

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